Why do I want to start this website?

As a small YouTuber with under 1000 subscribers (and still am as of writing this blog), I felt incredibly grateful for the option for me to post any comment on the Community Tab. It was great until YouTube decided to take it away, probably as a badge for YouTubers with at least 1000 subscribers to access. So all my community posts (which were all my posts) are gone. I have a couple of options. I could either comment on some parts of my life on some videos (like my most recent video) or make a website dedicated to making this blog.

I tried the first option immediately after YouTube decided to take the Community Tab away from my channel and others like me. It worked out as intended, but I didn’t feel a sense of transparency (I have a feeling that you don’t know what that meant). When I comment on specific videos regarding me at a particular time, I don’t see it at the level of a community post. A community post is a generalized post from the channel, not the video. So, unfortunately, I don’t see comments on videos like that. For example, if I uploaded a guitar cover of “Liar” by Camila Cabello, I conditioned myself to comment on this video regarding some information about the song, not my life experiences. Do you want to know why? That comment is more relevant to music than my life experiences. You could say that these comments don’t produce a lot of engagement between you and me. Still, I have second to none interaction with my fans. And most of the time, I didn’t have much of a purpose to comment on my life experiences, which led to me making this blog.

I didn’t know that I could tell you guys about my life experiences on a website until the beginning of writing something for the blog. It was the first time I could express my writing freely, something I had wanted to do. But I want to tell you more about what I did before making this blog.

March was a pretty rough year for me, as I had a lot of academic stuff to do before even touching on this blog and YouTube. On the 5 of March, I have Science Olympiad. I completed three events: building the strongest yet lightest balsa wood bridge, passing the Chemistry Lab test, and passing the Dynamic Planet test. I could have ranted a blog about this event but let’s keep it short. I have like one month to prepare for this event, which I did poorly on preparing for, except for the bridge. My father and I built five versions of the bridge on the bridge to get ready for Science Olympiad, with a couple of failed tests along the way. Unfortunately, I didn’t study much in Dynamic Planet and Chemistry Lab because I have lousy time management skills. So, when I went to my local Science Olympiad for competition, I flunked both Dynamic Planet and Chemistry Lab. But the bridge was surprising. My partner and I were so prepared for the bridge. We scored third on the leaderboard, with the upper positions being designs from preliminary designs. So as I did, but mines were incredibly different than other bridges, and I have a much better description for choosing the design. But it didn’t matter, and fortunately, my partner and I scored third on the bridge. As for the other events, I scored fifth and seventh on Chemistry Lab and Dynamic Planet, which I knew I could have done better. A couple of weeks after, my leader surprised me that even the fifth and seventh places got ribbons, and I got two bronze medals.

The second significant event I was doing was finishing my BYU Geometry Course. My family and I were at exceedingly low margins as the course expiration date was less than a month away. Initially, I wanted to take the exam just a week after the Science Olympiad. However, when I opened the appointment for the exam, it denied me the right to get the commission needed to take the exam. And that drove me crazy. So, I was in a brief depression until my mother intervened and performed a 4000 IQ move. She decided to call someone from BYU and tried to persuade them to allow me to take the exam anytime. After that, I came home, made a new appointment on Monday afternoon to Wednesday 16 of March, and it worked. So, on the 16 of March, I made an appointment with a proctor that I had trouble understanding (the person speaks way too fast but too unclear), and I took the exam. The exam was not pleasant for me, despite having relatively easy questions after months of studying it. I thought of that because the exam rules were strict. That was somewhat understandable; I took it to my study room. But some of the rules were weird, like being forbidden to look away from the screen repeatedly. Like the proctor, I am doing my math test, and I need to look away repeatedly to do the work on paper. And another was to scan the room, in which I must clean the whole thing not to make it suspicious. I finished the exam and waited for the equally flawed grading process despite these sketchy rules. Then, I remembered that BYU takes an exceedingly long time to grade final exams, probably due to the distance from California to Utah. Fortunately, the scores came in shorter than expected, and I passed the course.

These two were the most prominent events that took over March for me. So, after I finished doing these kinds of stuff, I felt depressed. Besides these events, my Pre-Calculus Honors grades fell as my teacher reset them, and I struggled on newer units. So, now, I decided to dedicate myself to writing this blog.

As I said, I wanted to write this blog because I wanted to share all my experiences from here on out with you. I wanted to express myself through my writing so I could do more things. Soon, I wanted to be a prominent self-sufficient filmmaking auteur who directs, produces, and writes films by myself. I also wanted to be a big pop star for those with an asocial personality disorder or autism who have problems getting accepted into society. And I wanted to pursue other careers within these two big careers, like a software developer for animation, writer, YouTuber, composer, cinematographer, photographer, entrepreneur, activist, teacher, manager, and probably a parent. But for now, I want to express myself fully here so I can get better and be more capable of getting into these fields. And I want to continually grow and improve my YouTube channel and make the best music videos possible.

If you managed to follow along through this blog from an “unreliable narrator,” go pat yourself on the back. I see you as my lord and lady who aspires to learn more about the world so you can make a change too. As a lord and lady, you are one step closer to supporting me and helping children. I want to talk about some writing plans that I will try to do as soon as possible.

The first plan is to write about my struggle to get a single friend. I may assume that you are a lord and lady from my school. You may think that I have many friends, but I see something different. I believe that I don’t have a single reliable and faithful friend, but here’s the gist of it. Since COVID has damaged America, every student must stay home and communicate with their teachers online. I didn’t think of that as a big issue due to the stability of my minor YouTube career. I didn’t realize how much it isolated me from my peers and how much I badly needed to have a sense of belonging to others. After the COVID school era was over, I mentally struggled my way to interact with others as much as I could, and I still worked as I came through. And I hope that you are ready for this to happen.

The second plan is to write about my struggle as a perfectionist. Although I made some progress in getting out of that behavior, I still cling to it. I would still doubt that I cannot hold up to my notoriously high expectations without expressing them openly. I would still think about being a failure. Being a perfectionist at school frustrated my friends and maybe you. Being a perfectionist at school brought my grades down. Being a perfectionist at school demotivated me from doing the things I loved. Being a perfectionist worsened me as a person as I am taking the most demanding courses I can handle. And being a perfectionist gave me suicidal thoughts and negative feelings about society. I would write more about that in my third blog, but that is for later.

You may not know this, but I am writing all this in an hour to keep myself writing all the time. Although I loved to write, I considered myself the worst time manager in my heart. I would write, but I would never finish it. So, the timer would force me into writing this whole blog and keep on writing, like writing an extremely long essay for school. And for my following blogs, I would write more blogs in the future and keep using this timer. Since you are here, I would like you to comment on whatever you want. Good night.