Do Not Always Think Positive

When you are down in life for whatever reason, and you’re asking anyone for help, people usually respond like this,

“It’s alright and it’s not a big deal. You should keep your positivity. It’ll get you to places.”

I should have checked whether this phrase is the most common advice. I’m sure most of you know these words, but this advice is terrible. First, this advice is too general and points to nobody for no benefit. And the direction can point to positivity you probably will not notice until it’s too late. In other words, the advice points to nothing, and you don’t get anything.

But exactly why?

Short answer:

It is not always practical to think positively, especially in situations like depression or anything that is not happy. It can even lead to even worse problems and potentially feelings of worthlessness. Consider thinking realistically or not feeling anything and acting according to the situation. I hope that helps.

If you’re still unconvinced, I’ll tell you the long answer.

Long answer:

Thinking positivity is generally a good thing, and there is nothing wrong with a way to ignore the problems you’re dealing with right now, especially for males like me (In my opinion, females may like to talk to each other their issues to resolve the issue, which I received from a possibly unreliable YouTube video). Suppose you’re on social media like anyone can read on my Wix website. In that case, you tend to see many positive messages through several Instagram posts across many fields. You find these messages comforting and convince you that you should be closer to that bias-wrecker.

However, there is a catch to all this.

Although positive messages and positivity are good, they can pose more harm than good. I will prove it with a short story I’ve just composed.

There is this one girl from a Native American tribe who is a low-income, first-generation college student. At the time, she is in her final year at high school, and it is finals month. She goes to a school in Oklahoma 30 minutes away from what is a hut. At high school, her usual schedule goes like this.

The girl must wake up at 5:30 and cooks her food for breakfast and lunch before going to school at 7. She drives her car to school and does her homework just outside of it. When the library opens at 8:20, the girl does much of her assignment, barely finishing much of it. When class starts at 8:50, she attends her first class, AP Physics C: Mechanics. After an hour of labs, she follows her next course, AP English Literature and Composition, where she takes a test; she has no time to study (I’ll explain this later). Next, she attends AP Government and Politics, the most straightforward course for her. After Government, she follows AP French before heading for lunch an hour later. At lunch, the girl goes to the cafeteria and eats her lunch, where she talks with her white friends. During lunchtime, she rarely discusses herself and more about her studies and school experiences during the day. One white friend asks her whether she can go to her birthday party. However, the Native American girl refuses to go, citing her work reasons for not doing so. But before long, she goes to her AP Computer Science A class, where she has an exam on some lessons. The good thing about it is that the Native American girl had studied for. After that class, she attends her AP Art and Design Program. She leaves school at 3:55 and heads to work at her local Walmart as an insignificant from 4 to 7. At Walmart, the Native American walks around the store and tells her ordinary workers at Walmart the kind of stuff they must do the whole time. After Walmart, she heads to her local Mcdonald’s and eats a McDouble. Then, the Native American girl must run to another job at a local tutoring centre to aid students in math, which goes for 2 hours. Finally, the Native American girl goes home and puts her younger siblings to sleep if given the time. However, her younger siblings struggle with homework, and she must help them before doing her horrendous homework herself. Before long, the Native American girl can barely progress on the assignment and sleeps before finishing it.

The next day, the Native American girl checks her grades on her school computer. The grade portal takes 2 minutes to get to the portal after login. She receives a C on both English and Computer Science, her second time seeing such grades. When the Native American clicks on the English grade and gets a C on a test, she is humiliated. She has thoughts that she did not do well, not this bad. But there is no time to have any form of negativity. Before having time to reflect, she leaves her school computer, makes breakfast and lunch, and heads off to school.

Back at school, the Native American meets with her English classmates to discuss the test. Out of the seven she’s met, they all give her advice like, “It’s alright. You’ll get it next time.” When the Native American enters her English class, only six random people have the same feelings as her. As class starts, the English teacher requests that all students should work on a final research project of their author of choice, the Native American’s choice being F. Scott Fitzgerald. The research project consisted of several parts: a research proposal, works cited plus an analysis of the sources in the results cited, a 5-page MLA essay (not including works cited), and a 4-minute presentation. It’s already overwhelming to many people, but the Native American girl decided to shrug. It wasn’t her fault, as her classmates did not seem to worry too much. After English class, the Native American has a French final, consisting of a poem that a student must construct with a story and have a familiar style typical to French poetry, at least from the teacher’s perspective. Both the English and the French finals were due in two weeks.

The school was over that day, and the Native American girl continued working at Walmart and a tutoring centre, which went on as usual. However, when the Native Americans came home, it was a different situation. Her family have their eyes frowned as they saw a paper with a failing grade on that one English test. From their words, the Native American girl has put their doubts into action whether her rigorous education was worth it, especially with her less-than-stellar grades. The Native American then asked her parents whether she could take time off to finish her assignments in better quality and more time. Her parents were confused, so as the rest of the family. The rest of the family did not make much money, and her income was similar to that of her parents. In a hurry, the Native American’s parents said no. They requested that she can come to another friend’s house instead of theirs to assist her in completing her project. The Native American found this suggestion nonsensical as the English and French finals were individual work, and she said it as a response to theirs. But the Native American parents said it could work for her and her friend. The Native American nodded, and their conversation ended there.

When the Native American girl went to bed, she still had thoughts about not being able to finish the project in time. The Native American switched sleeping positions to suppress her fears to no avail. No matter what she did, her fear of being unable to finish her two projects was still significant. It was like when the American Dream was straight in heaven. If the Native American girl in a cooking pot did one fail after climbing up to heaven, she fell and must start over again. Starting over again frightened her, and she never wanted to do that again. She thought that her parents were not proud of starting over again. So, the Native Americans still switch sleep patterns to suppress that thought and always stay happy.

Before I go on with this story, I want to address what makes this portion of the story a sign of toxic positivity. After telling you this portion, the Native American has tried to suppress negativity. When she was sleeping, she actively tried to stop it to ensure positivity. It doesn’t seem like a lot, but it does happen to many people. You can infer that the Native American girl wanted to remain happy all the time and put all the guilt to the side or eliminate it. Since I portrayed this positivity as unfavourable, what can we do?

In this portion of the story, the Native American parents don’t share the same attitude. Their parents were not very happy with the subpar grades of the Native American girl. The Native American girl has no choice but to talk to them about a solution. It wasn’t a way for the Native American girl with a toxic positive mindset to stick on and respond honestly about her feelings. But I would like to go on with the story.

It was the next day, and the Native Americans went to school. During her first class, she asked her classmates, many sharing several courses with her, for a potential collaboration for the English and French final projects before class started. Most classmates declined, with several excuses: they had work reasons, like her, club activities, and other things like spending time with friends. Finally, however, one student agreed. Let’s call her Jessica.

Jessica and the Native American girl agreed on a time tonight that fits their time shifts nicely. But when the Native American girl arrived at Jessica’s house, after knowing her location, she didn’t appear. She ended up making progress on her English and French projects at home.

When the Native American went to meet with Jessica at school regarding her disappearance, Jessica replied, “Sorry about that. I hope it’s no big deal for you. I apparently have a lot of work to do back home before work. My work has flexible hours, and my boss requested me to work at the wrong time. So I didn’t get to start the project.” When Jessica replied, she had nothing to lose. The Native American girl received nothing in return, but it didn’t matter. She continued going to Jessica’s house, but the same thing happened again. And the next day at school, she had the same response. By this point, the Native American girl left and went to her house.

The following morning, the mother and father arrived home, and the Native American girl quickly discussed the failed visits to this one girl named Jessica for her final projects. The mother and father initially jived with her concerns. But then, the mother revealed a proposal to her, saying what was going on regarding the amount of stress that happened at the final. The mother specifically wanted one related to the two final projects the Native American was working on. The Native American revealed some of her concerns, and her mother quickly resolved all her problems regarding the last. Despite her weak formal education, the mother decided to assist her. The Native American headed off to school.

At school, the Native American began to think more realistically about how she could finish the project in time. She began to discuss with Jessica the idea of toxic positivity. But Jessica has yet to learn what that was. The Native American said what it was and how it affected her, despite not experiencing nearly as much as people. The other thing she asked Jessica was about her progress on the final projects. Jessica replied that she still hadn’t started and could finish it the day before it was due. However, she can assist the Native American girl when she has time.

At Jessica’s house, both Jessica and the Native American girl started their projects ahead of time. They made tremendous progress, figuring out exactly what to do within 2 hours.

Ultimately, although the Native American hasn’t wholly overcome her obsession with staying positive, her actions start the reversal. Over time, the Native American developed more realistic goals which would heal her mental health for the better.

Despite needing to be more transparent regarding the central message of this story, you should know some of the tendencies of toxic positivity. It is why I do not recommend you stay positive the whole time. However, the story outlines some natural solutions to this problem.

Listening to others is an excellent solution as their opinions provide new perspectives, allowing you to make informed choices. In the story, the Native American listens to her parents, a great resource. Knowing you have someone on your side helps your mental health and overcome the toxic positivity.

Acknowledging negative emotions can help you tackle your goals. However, avoiding negative emotions is not a solution that will work over time. You should be happy not to feel satisfied sometimes and know how to ask other people, which ties into the first solution. It is learning to understand more about yourself; this solution is what it is.

you shouldn’t always think positively.

The main takeaway is this: you shouldn’t always think positively. It nearly makes a negative impact, especially when you are in a depressed mood. If you are, you should do these things. First, you must learn the causes of your depressed mood. If you know it, talk to people you can trust, such as your family members, friends, and teachers, to provide solutions to you. And develop a realistic goal that you can achieve with your skills. There are other things to consider when not believing to think positively. It is a good thing to be optimistic about making yourself feel better. Still, you must attain a delicate balance and experience things realistically. If you feel bad, feel bad. If you feel sad, feel sad.

I hope you enjoy this story from the Native American girl and the message I provided for you. If you have any questions, let me know in the comments below. Also, in the comments below, let me know if you have any other ideas about toxic positivity. It’s been a while since March due to April and May being finals week. I must take a month off from doing creative things to study for the AP and final exams. I hope to continue to write more articles and write them more frequently. I’m Kevin Trinh, and I’ll see you in the following article.

Sources Used:

From Very Well Mind: https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-toxic-positivity-5093958

From BetterHelp: https://www.betterup.com/blog/toxic-positivity

From Psychology Today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/toxic-positivity